May 31, 2005

quish quish

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:11 am by changisme

What a pouring morning. I almost couldn’t find my umbrela. I can’t imagine if I didn’t, how drenched I’d be!! I walked to work as usual and my socks and brim of my pants are all drenched. There’s the familiar winter sound of the shoes: quish quish.. as I walked. It’s as if this is just to remind us that the weather could be bad, don’t take summer sun for granted! Oh man.. I wouldn’t forget.

I had dinner at Plotty’s house after meeting up with Jane and her. Her parents cook so well, and I haven’t had that good of a chinese dinner for a long time. How I loved it. There were stir fried veggies and stir fried egg and tomato. There aer some other stuff too. They made some fish that tasted quite delicious. The adults were apparently very tired because they soon fell into a nap after dinner, and Plotty and I just kept on talking. We haven’t caught up on each other for a long time. She told me how everyone is doing. Apparently, she’s a very good listener, so everyone, including me I guess, dump our problems on her. LOL She said sometimes she really wants to solve those problems, but she can’t. LOL

God emails from Xue, Zhai and Hang! I was so excited~~~~~ Xue said her parents already know about her and Fan, her boyfriend. They like him. I think it’s really nice. they are both so cute… I think Xue makes good decisions on her relationships, and she’s such a nice and beautiful girl too. Feel so gooooood hearing from them!!!

May 30, 2005

garbage day

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:00 am by changisme

I don’t know why these days I have so much emotional crap to dump. Probably it’s because of the break up. I’ve never had that much garbage in my head, ever in my life! these days have been the garbage days in my life.

Probably I’ve just accumulated so much garbage from the past that needs to be dumped out  so that I can start out fresh again? Probably I have newly aquired that notion of self pitying which I never had before? It’s strange because summer and the sun just came to Vancouver! God knows why~~~

Dear garbage:

Thanks for sticking with me, and please go and have a beautiful life of your own. I’ve had a good enough party with you already. Nice seeing you!!! … Oh! No need for more gifts.  And do not linger for I don’t have a capable compost to keep you under arest. You have used your greenish brown milk to nurish my heart.

Maybe it’s good that you have exposed some rotten flesh; maybe it’s your milestone that some of the long closed chambers have been cracked open. And yet, do go! I have nothing left for you. Food and drinks are gone, party time’s over.

So long!

No longer yours,

changz

May 29, 2005

missing mama league

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:42 pm by changisme

I was chatting with Qing. I felt for her for she is experiencing what I have been to a certain degree. i think my situation is not as tough as hers because I’m in an English environment while she’s in a German one. She misses her mama while I do too. Oh yeah, I miss my baba, I don’t know if that adds anything.

She loves Beijing so much that I feel she’d drown in it if it were made of water.

Vancouver is a easier environment to fit in into probably. I pray that she can see the light ahead of her and finds her self in this world. I’m soooooo glad that she can tell me all these. So many people are hurt inside and yet they don’t want to admit it. She as about 4 years ahead of her, and God, do give her strength. I believe she can get over it. She is a very capable girl. Once she’s determined something, she can do it… although she needs your help.

She will be fine…

Too bad I don’t know anyone in Germany, I really wanna introduce her to some friends that can bare her burden with her…. I pray I pray….

no name

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:59 am by changisme

I love Cathy’s house, and I loved playing DDR. I think I have an amazing ability to like things that I suck at, probably because there are so many things that I’m not good at.

I watched Dustin playing video games, during which I found some strange familiarity. Now that I think about it, I think it reminds me of watching Pushi GeGe playing computer games when I was small… I think it’s this iimage of a male video game addict in front of me that reminds me of it. I was no good at it which he excelled. I think I hardly knew what was going on, and some of the games, I could hardly see what was happeing, but I enjoyed the time nonetheless. I remember I always watched, hardly ever played then. Dasheng GuGu would get mad at Pushi, blaming him for playing all the time, but I was satisfied with just watching. It was like watching movies…

==================================================

I feel lonely now.

I feel really lonely.

I didn’t then, I think it’s because I’m focusing on myself too much now that I am grown. Back then, I’m not this selfish, so I didn’t feel lonely. Aye… how tragic.How I’ve changed.

I haven’t talked to Pushi fro the longest time, while he was so nice to me as a kid. Why am I so bad at keeping in touch with people?

I think I should think about other people more, then I won’t feel lonely.

May 28, 2005

How to love?

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:55 pm by changisme

I’m not a very loving person, and hence not very lovable either. I wanna be loving though.. I try, but I don’t know how! So miserable~~~~

I emailed Cynthia (May 25th Sunny Starks) again. I told them about Run For Light and how the weather was nice. I don’t know if they’ve communicated with Doug yet. I hope she and Kieran are fine and pray that Kieran is not ssick again. I remember a conversation I had with Curtis. I was really annoyed by how I don’t know how to be sympathetic, because I think I hate people pitying me, so I don’t like to do that to someone else, but at the same time, when I try to comiserate with someone, I automatically sympatyize them.. or pity them. I don’t know what the real difference is. Curtis said’taht I should just be there with them… but what does that mean? For Cynthia… how can I be there for her? I can’t feel what she’s feeling, not mentioned feeling what Kieran’s going through at this moment.

I guesss I’m admiring them, but’that’s the same thing! Pitying their circumstance while admiring their characters.

Run For Light

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:06 am by changisme

The whole weekend is sunny and warm! (That’s why you should get down to the water now Princess Sai, and Qing, have you been to Alpe yet since you are so close, it must be so breeze up there?)

I went to Run For Light last night. it’s a 4.3k run organized by BC Blind Sports. The weather just cooperated so well. I remember last year was wet and chilly, but this time, the daytime heat were still wandering in Stanley Park. So many people went that they were running out of T-shirts! Doug went with his wife an daughter; Myriam went with Ken and Shawn went with her youth group. I was going to volunteer as a martialler, but then Shawn asked me to be a guide to this 17-year-old boy called Mohamad(is this how you spell it?) When I heard Shawn saying, first of all he’s 17, secondly, he wants to win, a chill ran through my spin~~~~~I’m not that good of a runner, man!

Then it actually didn’t turn out so badly, because Mohamad happened to be a rather small boy for his age and he’s a sprinter type—not long after the start he got tired, so I actually tried to push him on rather than the other way arround. Anyhow, oh yeah forgot to mention, it was a night run, so everyone hasd a glow stick on them, and the whole Stanley Park was decorated by a bend of light! The water smelled salty and at certain part of the run, we had waves banging on the shore. It was just so neat.

I think running is much funner than martialling, This run is so short that it’s not painful at all. I like not-so-challenging things LOL I don’t know if I can do it again next year.

DDR tonight~~~woohooo

May 27, 2005

High of 30 C!

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:30 am by changisme

I woke up this morning finding my window was totally open the whole night, but I didn’t feel chilly at all. The sun shone as if it never left work for the night. Last night I drank so much water because of the temperature that I was woken up by the nature’s call at 5 in the morning. I decided to have a relaxing morning.

Put on the pot and made some tofu with bak choi in soy sauce. How I love soy sauce! Well… I know I know it’s not very good for me~~~~ Then I soaked some fermacceli (however you should spell it). The sun doesn’t come into my basement suite, but as I was preparing my lunch, I can feel this morning is sunny. The radio was on CBC, and it was talking about the Korean community at Coquitlam. Most Koreans living there are small business owners, and one of the reporters wondered if Korea has a tradition of business, but the other said it’s more because those who come here bring capital with them. They were usually richer white collars employed in big enterprises before they came here. I think it’s mostly because they can’t find a job other than dishwashing and labourous jobs alike at first, so they feel slike they might as well start their own business.

I was emailing and chatting with my family in China yesterday and I feel that my chinese is crap right now. I should start a chinese blog and practice my chinese.

May 26, 2005

nice hot day at the beach!

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:04 pm by changisme

Today is the day for the beach! I was soo busy at work today. Many people called for lessons. Whenever I tried to talk to Bernard my boss, the phone rings. It was an annoyance on the one hand, but on the other hand. I was very very happy today. Everyone is in a good mood. I love it when Graham is in a good mood, even though I really have problems with him. His mood is too unsttable, and I have to work with this guy who swares big time whenever the weather is out of control.

I so look forward to play DDR at Cathy’s house on Saturday, it’s annoying that I have to be late, but that’s better than nothing.

SUNSHINE!!!!!! I’m looking for tomorrow~~~

May 25, 2005

Sunny Starks

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:57 pm by changisme

Being so moodie after my SOA exam, I walked off into Brock Hall. There was a mother and a child hopping arround while the mother tries to figure out how to use the printer. Since I was the only person arround, she asked me to help.

Later on I got to know that she’s been a student at UBC for….. ummm very very long. She did her undergrad and then had a child and came back. Kieran, her six-year-old son has autism. I remember some time this winter, there was an uproar in the news about how DPT/MMR vaccination causes autism. I found this article talking about Kieran Stark http://www.vancourier.com/issues03/012103/news/012103nn1.html

Little Kieran is sooo cute! He has a head of breezy blond hair and he’s very active. He would be all over the place. In fact, I almost tripped over him at first…  Although he’s in his mystical world, he talks to her mother and wants to play with her all the time when I was with them. I think it’s a very amazing relationship they have. From what I knew, autistic children tend not to respond to other people and live in their own realm. Nonetheless, Kieran’s world has a channel. Cynthia can go there, or maybe she is there, she’s in both world! What beautiful love they have. Kieran loves Cynthia that he wraps himself, not just his arm or his body, but everything of his, arround her. His world is hers.

The task of being a mother is not easy for Cynthia. She’s studying, and Kieran has soooo many alergies! He’s alergic to wheat, diary, yeast, food colouring, corn… well basically Cynthia said she gave up on any processed food, because the only things Kieran can eat are rice, meat, veggies and fruits with nothing added. I can’t imagine how she can juggle school and Kieran.

When Kieran was chatting with his mother while hopping arround, he said, "I don’t need popcorn!" Then Cynthia said,"That’s okay hon’, you’re allergic to popcorn." LOL How cute is that.

I love them! I feel like they each have a sun above their head. If Kieran is living in his own world, he must have brought to his mom (now even me) another sun from over THERE~~

I’m trying to get hold of Doug, because he told me that he had a dietary therapy that cured him of those allergies. I think a lot of times it can’t be helped like Sue’s, but I hope… it might~~~

Cynthia had a rough week, she sort of complained a bit, but I totally don’t feel like I’ve been dumped with garbage. I just want to hear more. But she was ina hurry, so she couldn’t tell me more. I think even when she’s complaining, she’s sunny.

Blessings the sunny Starks!

summer officials starts…

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:23 pm by changisme

Okay.. I’ve done my SOA exam… I don’t know why I’m not really excited, probably because I didn’t do so well. Not that I care so much anyway… (is that a lie?)

Anyhow, summer is here in me now. I will start to do a bunch of things… I want to pick up some instruments again, hopefully something quiet. I don’t want to piss Jing or my landlords off. I want to restructure my life a bit. For the past month, I feel my time and daily routines are really messed up. Don’t feel like I was living officially, just at this state of subexistence. 

OKAY GAMBADE! I will have a good summer, I promise you changz.

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