May 21, 2005

misplaced

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:06 pm by changisme

Do I feel misplaced?? Qing told me she does as she’s living in Germany. She feels like she definitely doesn’t belong and she said she feels like "di zhu" (landlord) when she’s in Beijing. Richie said boredom is from the beholder (ummm is that the right English??). True… I have to say, I have found a lot to do here that I totally don’t feel bored anymore, but whether or not I feel belong I don’t really know. I do feel that there are a lot of cultural references I have no idea about, music or movies. Does that mean much though? I went back to Beijing last year, two years after I left. I did feel more a Beijing’er than anything else, but somehow, I felt misplaced there as well….

I thought of the story Squatter by Rohinton Mistry. He talked about how this guy from India tries so hard to fit into the Canadian culture, but fails(because he can only pee when he squats), but when he finally went back to India he feels like a foreigner too. I guess mine is not that severe, because Beijing changes so fast, everyone is there trying to catch up. When I went back, I was just like one of those who are catching up. The only difference is that other people are more used to speed of catching up than I was. I sort of felt others are calmly walking through changes while I was stumbling over the place trying to swallow the changes arround me.

I have a lot of things I enjoy doing here now, so I’m not really weary about my identity anymore. Hang when he writes his novel, might paints a green and blue picture of a tragic clan of pilgrams that has no catagory to fall into. It’s not that bad.

Qing wants a job that can allow her to fly back to beijing every second week or something. I dont’ know how nice that is… THIS actually sounds a little tragic to me–living somewhere I don’t like and try to guggle. I pray that this is just a phase that she’s going through~~~ Afterall, this is just the first year she’s been out.

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Oh yeah!! I dug out the Mulan poem today! I totally still remember the WHOLE thing!! I can’t believe it. It was so long to memorize when I was in grade 7. it’s amazing how long things you learn when you’re small last. "Ji ji fu ji ji…" yum….

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