June 28, 2005

Down the road, I feel the wind and pebbles.

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:25 am by changisme

 

I met GUGU last night. We were talking as always. She’s always so cheerful and make me want to snudge into her lap and kiss her and tickle her. She’s always in the bright side of my life. I feel like I’m on a windy and crooked road, and whenever I see her on the road side, she’s always in the ginger bread house. I guess her life is not all that easy either, but I always see it as that. Her smile always give me peace, but sometimes, when I want to seek refuge in her arms, I find myself entangled on the thorned road and unable to reach her, then I can only see her becoming smaller and smaller with her ginger bread house and I farther and farther dgragged along on the path.

 

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be together with you always, no matter when or where.
With respect to money, you spend as little as possible.
You think good luck might come your way, but if it does you’ll be so surprised you’ll burst out laughing.
The hidden side of your personality tends to be methodical in your ways – with trouble adapting to the rules of society.
You are tend to think about others’ feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.
When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you will search and search until you find your perfect match.
Who’s the True You?
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June 26, 2005

Am I like this?

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:24 pm by changisme

"You are pure, moral, and adaptable.   // adaptable probably

You tend to blend into your surroundings. //true enough

Shy on the outside, you’re outspoken to your friends. // true

You believe that you live a virtuous life…// *dry laugh* talking about arrogance… 

And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye. //…

As a result, people tend to crave your approval." // not really

 

I don’t really think people tend to crave my approval. LOL Aye… and too bad, probably I do judge people with a harsh eye, even if I think I hate it…

Golden Ears

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:23 pm by changisme

I’ve missed quite a few of St. John’s International group activities, and this time, being both Kelvin and Gihan’s birthday, I decided I shouldn’t miss again. We went to Golden Ears, and I had a blast! Gihan and I are the two people who didn’t sleep at all last night. I don’t really know why I didn’t, but Viola said I was too excited…. 😀 I don’t mind being excited…
 
We played a lot of badminton and frisbee, and I was worse at both amongst all who played…. (most people played LOL) You thought by this point of my life, I should have gotten used to losing and learnt that I don’t have to win all the time. Pathetically…. I still have too much pride… man I do! I like to say, I suck at this, as if anyone would mind winning me. This time, I really had a good time, even if I spent a lot of time picking up birdies and letting others run when I threw the frisbee (maybe they would mind playing me afterall??)
 
I used to hate the fact that I liked the things I was not good at. For example, I used to like literature when I was in Junior High, but I wasn’t good at reading. I used to like being a radio DJ but I never had an suitable voice for the wave… I used to like Physics in grade 10 but I kept on getting C’s. when I first came to Canada, I liked languages, but I had difficulties in liberal arts in general. Most people tell me taht I will like things that I’m good at, because of encouragement I guess. Let my pride take over??? My pride tells me that I don’t want something, like pride, have control over me. (LOL)
 
On the other hand, shouldn’t I make myself most useful by doing something I’m good at? "let those who are good at …. do …" isn’t that the principle?? Radiate your light as far as you can! I think I’ve already submissively stopped pursuing things that I love the most, because of job opportunities maybe? or because of grades… who knows, but I’ve made the decision, and here I am. Doing the most I could. Later on, if I face another fort down the road, I don’t know what I would choose.

June 23, 2005

“You are ticking you know?”

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:08 am by changisme

Mr. and Mrs. Smith was funny. I love the contrast of the relationship before they discovered the other is trying to kill themselves. Before then, they are having a very organized, well decorated and yet, kinda awkward life. After that, they were two pieces of puzzle that fit together perfectly.

June 21, 2005

I think I’ve calmed down…

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:49 pm by changisme

I guess I was wrong, actions are not just formality. It is that I do care, care enough to try to conform to the friendship that I can do something, not for myself, but for the other person as well. I may not need to do with someone who think in exactly the same wavelenght as I do, but I can’t just eliminate all the friends who think a little differently from how I do right?

I will do something…. Well.. whatever that means.

June 20, 2005

“and this pin…

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:33 pm by changisme

that’s two more people… at least one! They’d
given me at least one… this is gold…"
Oskar Schindler

I’m so freakin’ darned confused now!

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:31 pm by changisme

He said that my action has to reflect the fact that
I do want to still befriend him, a good friend, but when I show it… he said I
don’t have to talk to him everytime I see him online… That’s the first
freakin’ thing he said to me when I said hi today. It sounds like he doesn’t
want formality, but just wants me to care in my heart, but when I do just only
care in my darned heart, he says I need to have some actions (which is pretty
much formalities to me).
 
OOOOHHHHH MMMYYYY
GGGGOOOODDD!!!!

June 19, 2005

Pool party at Surrey Central

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:52 pm by changisme

Shane’s surprise party organized by Kristy was launched today. It was quite successful; apparently even Doug and Kathy went into the water!!!!! Unbelievable.

I thin Kirky got lost and didn’t make it there, and me… I called them but they were in the pool, so I sort of waled arround at Surrey Central. It was not very upsetting, because I’ve never been there, and it was quite something.

There is a big glassy green building, which is Surrey Central, but all the little houses arround it were so different… look quite beat up. What a contrast. And I met this young boy, who was offering to do a little work for everyone passed by. I wanted to have supper with him, like buying a sandwich or something, but he said he had to meet his brother at Tim Horton’s… I didn’t know what to say.

Lateron, I had a little sandwich and a bowl of soup for 3.50 including tax, and headed off to goalball.

I played quite well, with a lot of energy. I love it when I didn’teat too much, because then my blood doesn’t concentrate in my stomach too much.

===============================

Met Carson online today… He told me once again, I don’t really initiate conversations with him…. This is a big down swing of my good mood from goalball and Surrey Central. I feel bad not because he blames me, but because he was so right. I just can’t keep in touch with everyone. Why can’t I? Everyone else can. I should email Qing, and see how she’s doing…

God, help me!!! This is too torturing… I dont’ know what to do…….

==============================

Mama finally has her internet set up now… she’s starting to have a life at grandma’s, finally.

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God, help me!! I can’t stop thinking about this… I thought watching a few movies could help, but I’ve fell back in.

June 18, 2005

Good night Mr. John Maric

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:52 pm by changisme

I don’t know what to think after seeing the Elephant Man. The style of the story is quite old, but very powerful too…. He who suffers the most pain sees the most beauty in life as well. I wonder how much is there for me to see, and yet I just have my nose blocked over it…

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

he makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the vallley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

 

you prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

foever.

June 17, 2005

choose to be busy

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:01 pm by changisme

Bernard, my boss, is always busy! I think he chooses to do that. I don’t know if he will make less profit he allows his employees to work their own brains.

The whole windsurfing school has lessons, and PE groups every single day, and has more than 20 employees (5 that come very often), and with tons of inventories. HE JUST HAVE TO KEEP EVERY FREAKIN’ THING IN HIS MIND.The problem with this is that he wants control over every little thing, but he’s not a very fast minded person, so it takes forever for everything to get through him. Then when he does do something, he forgets parts of them because he just has too much to worry about.

I don’t know much about small businesses. Maybe this is just how it works. Or, maybe he just hires too many students, and we are all too transient. I would rather spend a little more money and hire someone who can be on top of everything. He is the LEADER for God’s sake, not the brain of everyone.

I’m quite okay with just let him think for me, because then I dont’need to bare any responsibilities, but I really really feel bad for him because he’s not having a life! There are two days he takes off every week, but every one of those days, he calls 10 times on average, just to tell me and to ask me. Mann.. I’m a channel Bernard.. God bless you.

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