August 31, 2005


Posted in Uncategorized at 9:06 pm by changisme

I think I’m quite excited
It’s a mood swing today, first it was talking to my
landlord about mom staying over, then I went to an interview for a math TA
postion. I either enjoyed talking to Jane and Richie so much, or I enjoyed the
"T" place (on broadway) so much (or both), I was totally late for the interview.
Not only that, the graduate TA said her hiring is most based on schedules, and
all the workshops that need UTA are on TUE WED THU which are the busy days on my
schedule!! I’m free like a bird on Mon and Fri and they don’t need people….
argh. I was like deflated balloon…
Then I went home just to slack and went for a bike
ride. Coming home wanting to read a chapter in the Bible. I flipped to the maps
instead (being a more picture person), I for the first time paid attention to
the Exodus and Conquest map. For some reason, the only thought that came to me
is that…wow, that’s a darned big project… and a darned long time before they
get to fight their battles.
Then I turned back to my computer seeing the email
from Sandi the grad TA saying I’m hired.


Posted in Uncategorized at 4:05 pm by changisme

My landlord said to me today… couldn’t your mom stay in a hotel or something? I got really angry, although I didn’t show it. I think ti’s the most unbelievable thing. When my grandma went to Beijing, we had her sleeping in my bed because that was the best bed in the apartment, and I either slept on the floor or snuggled with my parents. In my aunt’s place, where there were only one bed, my grandma slep there when she went and my aunt slept in her friend’s house.
For awhile there, my old strong-willed self came to me again. I thought, whatever you say, I’d do it anyway, let her stay, see what you can do, hm! That was how I dealt with teachers and parents for the past 20 years I feel.
Now that I calmed down a bit, should I be like this still? I’ve grown, not 8 years old anymore. I left our conversation at "we’ll see what happens".
calm down~~~

August 30, 2005

me me me

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:43 pm by changisme

I had a good evening with the Navs and Uncle Richard. He was very interesting, plus I so needed a good look at my attitude towards serving.
I care excessively much about what other people think of me. I stress over my relationships. When I do things, I couldn’t be myself or make the WWJD choices, and then later on I regret often because I feel that people have not reacted I wanted them to. The result is just tons of regrets and living a life not for God, not for myself, but for something like… the me in other people’s eyes. Unfortunately, all those "me"s live in different terrains and it’s impossible to straighten them all.
I hope I can just remove me from the right side of the equation!

God + me =

Make me a channel of your peace…
I hope I can lift up other people. I want to stop pretending I’m the know-it-all.
Grace delivered with humility is real grace.

August 29, 2005


Posted in Uncategorized at 11:51 pm by changisme

I’ve been reading this Chinese novel which is sooo
long…. it has three volumes! It’s about the lives of people living in or
coming out of a village. It’s so amazing how almost everything comes down to
family powers. During the changing years in history from cultural revolution to
the eighties, the power of a family can rise to 7th heaven in one minute, and
fall face down like a dead rock the next.
In the old days, as in very very old, peasants used
to take care of their land well, preserve it’s maternity,nurish it as it it’s
their familie’s living treasure that needs to be passed down for centuries.
However, during those changing years, people think,"who knows when these land
won’t belong to us anymore?!" They just want to get all the money as soon as
they can so that they can go away and go away from these dirt ASAP.
No wonder ppl don’t care about the

long for adventure

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:28 pm by changisme

My life is desirable like this:  /\/\/\/\/\~~~~/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\~~~~/\/\/\~~~~~~~~/\/\/\/\/\/\/\. Some people say I’m adventurous; some say I’m so boring. Both are true depending when I you meet me. I remember I was in an adventurous mode in grade 2 and 3, and smoothed down afterwards, then again on an adventurous mode in grade 8 and 9, then again in grade 12 till first year ended. When I came here, I wanted to try almost every single thing (other than roller coaster type of things which I also tried nonetheless). I had such a drive that people keep on telling me that I was trying to do so many things in my life and not achieving any one of them. Then I became quite peaceful for the past year or so. I thought I’d grown up. However I find myself at the brink of adventures again. I don’t know what I would do this time.
For a while there I thought when I get older, I can just be content with a family and a peaceful life, but apparently, now that I think about it, that life needs to allow me a bit of fooling arround once in a while.

August 28, 2005

If I were to open a coffeehouse

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:36 pm by changisme

If I were to open a coffeehouse,
I would have high a ceiling and thick soil-ccoloured beam.
If I were to open a coffeehouse,
I would have every server wear their own clothes,
but each with a big wooden necklace.
If I were to open a coffeehouse,
I would use mugs with huge handles,
and sell muffins with wide and crispy rims.
If I were to open a coffee house,
I would use chairs both wide and narrow,
and tables that are a litle high but of the simplest build.
If I were to open a coffeehouse,
I probably will stay behind the counter myself,
fiddle with my wooden necklace,
sit in the widest chair when I’m tired,
stair at the ceiling where my dreams rest.

I can’t wait

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:24 am by changisme

I still haven’t received mama’s citizenship test  confirmation letter yet. I hope they’re not postponing it… Well, maybe if they do, mama’ll still come and come again later?? *sly smile*
When she comes, I’ll make something special, like a meat pie? I asked Tracy about how to make a dinner pie, and it sounds quite exciting. I might get some ground port and spinach. Maybe I’ll mix it with egg and starch. Oh! And I could put some wine in it, or I can get one of those bottled marrinating thingies. The thing now is that I’ll need to go somewhere with an oven. I don’t know if Mrs Seewald will lend me her oven for a while, or I could walk to Hannah’s place to borrow hers. I make two pies and eat with Hannah and Shu and try if we throw up afterwards?? . Don’t forget though Karen that you need to buy pie shells too!
Tracy told me that it’s a good idea to let the onion and pork bits go through chicken broth. I think that sounds yummy except I wouldn’t want to buy those salty ones because I’ll need to evaporate some water out of it which makes it even saltier. I’ll need to boil my own chicken?
Dear dear, why can’t I stop thinking about these things?
I hope she could come earlier than the 5th though, cuz then I could take her camping at Golden Ears with Tracy. Aye… C’mon… gerrr…
Dear dear, why can’t I stop thinking about these things?
Oh, and I have really good curry in my cabby!! I can make nice curry rice for her. I bought those curry a while ago, it’s sooo much nicer than the powered ones. She likes curry chicken and potatoes.
She likes Playland, I wonder if she wants to go to PNE???
Dear dear, why can’t I stop thinking about these things?

August 27, 2005

Good times…

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:02 am by changisme

I don’t know why I want to cry, not because of farewell… apparently I haven’t spent nearly enough time with our guest, but yesterday touches something…

August 26, 2005

Sneeze ~~ Bless you!

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:47 am by changisme

My boss and I were discussing why people say "bless you" when someone sneezes. I used to think it’s because it was believed that demons seized you therefore you sneeze, but apparently it’s not amonst one of the popular explanations. It’s quite an ancient practice  and people don’t really know where it came from. (An ancient celebrity maybe?) Here are the popular explanations:

  • At one time people believed a man’s soul could be inadvertently thrust from his body by an explosive sneeze, thus "Bless you!" was a protective oath uttered to safeguard the temporarily expelled and vulnerable soul from being snatched up by Satan (who was always lurking nearby). The purpose of the oath was to cast a temporary shield over the flung-out soul which would protect it just long enough to regain the protection of the corporeal body.

  • Conversely, the sneeze itself was the expulsion of a demon or evil spirit which had taken up residence in a person. Therefore, although the "Bless you!" was again a protective charm meant to protect the sneezer from evil, in this version it was meant to ward off the re-entry of an evil spirit which a tormented soul had just rid itself of.

  • The heart was believed to momentarily stop during a sneeze (it doesn’t), thus the "Bless you!" was uttered either as a supplication for life to return or as a congratulation upon its successful restart.

  • Others claim an association of the practice with particular dire diseases (most often the bubonic plague, or "Black Death," as it is sometimes known). They say an infected person’s sneeze was sure sign he’d soon be pushing up daisies, thus the "Bless you!" was intended as a benediction to the nearly-departed, a way of commending his soul to the care of God now that he was beyond the help of anything in the mortal world.

  • Yet other folks echo the theme of other superstitions about sneezes, that these expulsions are either in themselves lucky or foretell good fortune coming the sneezer’s way. For them, the "Bless you!" is a recognition of incoming good luck, possibly even an attempt on the blesser’s part to attract a bit of it to himself.

  • Finally, some see the sneeze as a blessing bestowed by the sneezer upon the sneezed-upon. Answering a sneeze with "Bless you!" is seen as nothing more remarkable than replying "Good morning!" to the person who had just greeted you with the same phrase. 

August 25, 2005

Hope and purpose

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:33 am by changisme

I say my hope of life is beyond death, but is it true? If I’m living for my purpose/duty, can I really have endured? I don’t think so. I think I look forward to a lot of things in life and they are giving me more hope than the Hope hope. Probably this is wrong? The Hope though, is that misterious and unimaginable. How can I hope for it while I don’t even know what it would be? Is that the fear then? Fear of the unknown? I don’t think I should be scared of Heaven, neither should I be scared of the coming of Heaven. I know it is good, very good, much better than snuggle with family and playing goalball, but I find it hard to hope for when I don’t have the movie playing in my mind.
Or probably, I just haven’t suffered enough. I have received more material blessings than spiritual ones, so  much so that I am steered by lust? It’s lust, isn’t it? When I can hope for it more than the Day approaching. And yet, I’m glad I love life. Is that my purpose? To love life and to love the ones sharing it with me?
Hamlet was good, although I can’t quite understand the way they use the music just yet. It’s quite an obscure background, makes the whole play feel like the audiance is watching from the grave.
I hope we had sat at a different angle because the lights were partly shining onto us, but we were a little late enjoying our picnic too much.
I took Mr. Freeman’s cutleries and utensils, oh and bread and spread. LOL That was very greedy of me just for the first encounter!

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