September 30, 2005

happy day

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:06 pm by changisme

I don’t know why I’m so happy today. I still don’t want to meet new people yet, but I think I’m normal now, at least I was really happy to see my old friends. Sometimes I don’t know what’s going on in my mind, but I do know when I’m normal and when I’m not.
I am so happy today, and I just want to laugh when I see familiar faces /\ _ /\ hehehe
On the other hand, I think I have a lot of information arround me, and I’m approaching a point where I don’t even want to know about things that I’m interested in anymore. Not all the subjects yet, but some. Information… what a world I’m living in!
We are diagnosed with alcohol abuse, food abuse(obessity), work abuse (workaholic), why not information abuse? I think although I’m not really obese with information, but I am quite overwhelmed according to my digestability. Why does this world adore information so much?
I don’t know why we are not praying before our bible studies. We used to do that everytime, and I asked Curtis after a couple times, I think he definitely agree we should, but we always just forget. Is this because we just are so information based?? We have too much information in our mind that we are just so occupied?? I feel this way these days…

September 29, 2005

black eggs

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:20 pm by changisme

The chicken soup I made the other day looked realy black because of some stuff I put in it experimentally. It actually didn’t tast very bad, but I looked quite disgusting. Even the chicken looked charcoal on the outside. Everytime I ate the chicken, I had to sort of distract myself from the very look of the food. I didn’t really had the courage to drink the soup until today, even though that was the main result of chicken soup. Then I though, well, I have to get it over with somehow, so I made chicken corn soup with that, thinking the beautiful colour of the egg will cover up the dark soup, plus I’ll dilute it a bit.
The result was that the soup did get a little lighter, but the eggs ended up quite black, grey to be precise. The corn and brocolli were totally okay. I guess plantations are pretty good at resisting temptation (chu yu ni er bu ran), and when something with a central nervous system comes in, it just has to go with those colours arroungd them (jin muo zhe he)
Man.. what a bunch of nonesense!
I was so embarrassed TAing while my nose was running like a river.

sniffs and coughs

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:11 am by changisme

Man.. now I know, being thirsty all day long is a sign for getting sick the next day. I still remember when I last got sick in first year, and I happened to fall sick when I was in Chem with Plotty, and I just kept on telling her, I wana throw up, I wanna throw up. LOL I don’t know if she still remembers that incidence.
I met this Singaporian girl in math 215 today, and she breaks some of my stereotypes about Singaporians, she smokes and swears, but not at all having a sheltered mindset. I dont’ know where I got those from though LOL. I think she was kinda upset that I said she had a nice Siongaporian accent. She said she hates it. It’s kinda interesting…
I was doing inequalities with Nick today. I found myself not very patient today. I’m really sorry Nick… I didn’t really say anything, but I guess I did feel it. I don’t know if I showed it… but I could have by mistake. I’m not a very good actress afterall. He just couldn’t get how to solve those inequalities, and even when I told him just solve it as if it was an equation, he still didn’t know, but when I gvave him an equation to solve he did know. I could blame my bad patience on this stupid fever, but nonetheless, I shouldn’t have been.
I still remember last year, when Catherine and 2yi were still here, and mom and 2yi were working for Mrs.Smith. They were forcing Catherine and me to take flu shots, so that they didn’t need to get sick and stop working (need to be careful when you work with elderlies). Catherine took the shot, but I just wouldn’t do it. I was a needle freak, and I think I was really selfish not to, but I just had such a strong fear that I just wouldn’t take it. What happened then was that Catherine actually got the flu. 2yi was mad and said it was because Catherine just wanted to be pretty and wear little clothes. I didn’t really think so.

September 28, 2005

not alone

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:25 pm by changisme

I talked to Ken. I know, even though I’ve always
known, I’m not alone. At the end of my practice, I didn’t want to leave (which
implies rest, juice, shower, sleep) for the first time in a long time. I love
people, but I need to sort of what’s really behind.

prayers save me

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:25 pm by changisme


September 27, 2005

interview with Stats Can

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:43 pm by changisme

I had a telephone interview with Stats Can. It was very nice. The interviewer, Paul, was quite easy going and keeps on telling me that he’s office is so behind because he’s still using paper and pencil for interviewing record. We had some good laughs and that started off my day well.
Nonetheless, it was a technical interview, meaning he asked me a bunch of statistics and math questions that I had no idea how to answer. The good thing is, I wasn’t nervous at all. I don’t know why I wasn’t even nervous last night! I think there’s somehting wrong with me, no? There is a bad way of looking at it, is that I didn’t knowhow to answer those questions purely because I’m just no good, not because I was nervous. Even the easy questions, he asked me what was mode, and I totally forgot. Even now… what’s mode again???
I don’t think I’ll get the job though because he said they mostly hire Canadian citizen and I’m only a permanent resident. They said they’ll hire me if they exhuast all the citizens first. Man, what can I do. At least it’s a nice practice. Oh, and I just checked out, mode is the most commonly appeared data. Well, even if I know what it is, I don’t really know why it’s useful I guess. haha
It’d be nice if I could go work in Ottawa though, not as nice as if I could go find Plotty ,but it’s okay. Stacy and Doug and them might not be so happy probably.
Go back to my homework… man I missed a stats class today. I wonder what I missed.

September 26, 2005


Posted in Uncategorized at 8:20 pm by changisme

Whenever I see those people who are having a really comfortable pace in life, I just feel, when on earth am I gonna get to that stage where I can keep everything in line and not too bored. I seem to be either at one extreme or the other. Well…. I guess it’s not that I’m ever bored, but just have too much fun sometimes.
I was really thirsty today for some reason. I finished my full bottle of water in the morning and still wanted more. It’s interesting because Bena says that they call "shang huo" "re qi". I guess the latter actually makes more sense. I wonder if it’s just the northerners call it shang huo… hmmm
I think there are a lot of conflicts inside my character is probably I sort of carry my mom’s personality, but I like my dad’s better. I’m pretty sure many people are like that, I wonder if I need to conform to either one or just struggle to get a balance of the two.

September 25, 2005

conceited lies

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:51 pm by changisme

The sermon talked about lying. There are many kinds
of lies, among which I guess I tell the cowardy and the conceited lies, behind
which are fear and insecurity. The pastor said it’s to cover up the deeper pain.
I don’t want to touch that pain… I don’t think I can be healed, don’t touch
it… don’t…


Posted in Uncategorized at 3:13 pm by changisme

This wouldn’t make sense for anyone but
I hate being in a new place!!! I don’t want to
adapt, because it means explaining myself all over again. I don’t want to I
don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to! I hate it I hate
it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it! I want to have the familarity. Where
everyone knows me well, and they don’t look at you with strange eyes or so I
imagine. I can accept being different, but I don’t want to go through the
I don’t I don’t I don’t I don’t I JUST DON’T WANT
TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no matter what you
say. I don’t want to! Tears envelope me, I’m drowned in frustration. I cry out
and find there is no healing. I have been healed before, why can’t I be
satisfied with what I’ve been gracefully granted. I don’t know to make of these
small things in my life.
Why do I want to do those things anyway. It’s the
desire to do those things that creats the barricade and pain. And yet, I think
You want me to do them. Why why why why why why why why why why
why!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t want to live with this, I don’t want to I don’t want
to I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to.
Reveal to me what You have in mind, this is

September 24, 2005

Cole Slaw

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:59 pm by changisme

I remember in China, my mom and I didn’t really like KFC(my dad likes all food), but Catherine was a huge fan of KFC, well she likes chicken in general. When we went, my mom and I just fight over cole slaw while my aunt nibbles on mashed potatoes and Catherine has her wings.
Just when my mom came the other week, we went to white spot, and Paul ordered her cole slaw with her burger. She didn’t know what cole slaw was, and I told her, remember the KFC cabbage?? She got excited and said, "I think that is KFC’s best invention." We laughed. Of course cole slaw’s not from KFC, but thinking about it, only just 3 years ago, all the western food there was were pretty much McDonald’s and KFC, there was pizza hut, but very rare and expensive (or it’s just me didn’t like the slimy cheese?). Now there’re all the fast foods now, Subway, A&W, bbq ribs places…
It’s kinda pathetic actually. A lot of my family members have been to many places and seen many things. So when my mom and I go visit them or go out with them, we are often the "lao tu" (no nothing like country girls), We would make a fool of ourselves not knowing how to turn on the water tap in a upper class hotel. Now, we’ve seen western stuff, but when we go back, we are still "lao tu", because they have more modern stuff there now.
The good part is I don’t think these little things are so important, by coming out of our comfort zone, both me and my mom gained things that are very priceless. I guess I don’t really know how to put everything in words, but it’s quite amazing how far we’ve come. Uh.. not just geographically I mean. Well… I guess I shouldn’t speak for her.
I dont’ know wh y I thought of all that, I guess I was just wondering when mom’s coming again.
I think my stats prof is evil! I find my homework this week is so easy. He totally should have started these material first because it’s much more related to the pre reqs!! Did he just want people to drop out??? I’ve found quite a few profs like that already. That’s just so mean. Well.. the good part is I’m having a little more confidence in stats again.
p.s. Origin of Cole Slaw:

The word coleslaw–also written as cole-slaw or cole slaw–refers to a salad of raw shredded cabbage, usually dressed with a mayonnaise or vinaigrette.

Coleslaw is of Dutch origin, as is the dish it describes. The Dutch word is koolsla, formed from kool ‘cabbage’, related to the English words cole and kale, and sla, a reduced form of salade, borrowed from French, the same source of English salad.

So for all its admittedly unusual form, the word literally has the mundane meaning ‘cabbage salad’, just what it is.

The word coleslaw is an Americanism, first found in the late eighteenth century, a period of heavy borrowing of Dutch words into American English. Its earliest written form is cold slaw, but this represents a folk-etymological form.

from :

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