October 31, 2005

flaws…

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:06 pm by changisme

I’m not a perfectionist, but I seem to have this mentality that all the flaws could be fixed, and ought to be fixed as much as possible. Probably that’s why I have difficulty accepting that someone who’s infinitely able could spare some specs, in fact tons of specs on His plate.
 
You know.. I just have this thought, like a complex number has to be conjugated in some ways to result in a real number, maybe we have a conjugate in some dimentions. Maybe they’re good at what we are not and bad at what we are good at. That’d be interesting… Anti-matter…. . crazy…
 

October 30, 2005

irritated in the MSRC

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:33 pm by changisme

I’m in MSRC now, and it’s freezing cold in here! On the one hand, Math and Stats have such poor buildings for their computers; on the other hand, these computers are so much faster than those in the comp sci buildings. I love to use these in MSRC when I need to do homework weee,
 
but it’s so darned cold in here…. @ ~~~~~~ @
 
What’s worse, this guy in who’s lso using the computer, just kept on laughing and laughing, and it’s not real joyful laugh, it’s like choking, or wanting to cough and can’t.
 
Probably it’s not him that’s irritating me, it’s my homework maybe… stats… aye… it’s challenging man!

October 29, 2005

Amazing Grace

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:07 pm by changisme

Our new choir at the Chinese fellowship sang Amazing Grace before the service today! It was so great. I can’t believe how these people had been this into it. Even though they have such different personality, when the song started, everyone of us was so into it. Having grown up in big cities, and surrounded by pop culture, these 20 something people can embrace a hymn this old is just "amazing"!
 
I harmonized with flute. It was quite interesting. During the practice, it was kinda bad, I couldn’t really find a good harmonization, and due to long time not playing, the sound was awful, and I thought, man, since we were practicing on the church stage, but later we had to do it in the lounge, if I couldn’t even sound good on a stage where sound condition is much better, how in the world am I gonna do it later in a little lounge? Later on before we finally had to do it in front of everyone, I prayed on quietly. I suddenly felt so humbled… I can’t just feel good about myself because of this piece of silvery instrument, I had to lift it up.
 
Then I did it! We did it! It was good, the little prelude and the harmonization both worked out well. The guys were so into it too. Unbelievable.
 

lives, perceptions

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:44 pm by changisme

As I walk with other people as we live our lives, I see more and more
how dynamic people can be in their perception of life and faith. I see
a great danger in people trying to read what other people go through
and try to force it into their own lives or vice versa,  people
try to lecture others with their own perception of faith because that
had been what they experienced.

My seeking started form seeking of self esteem and releasing guilt.
That is not the case for many others. If I keep on telling others what
I think about God and life without letting them know where I come from,
I would be doing a disservice! Some people would struggle with certain
statements they read from a book, and I would feel it totally relate,
and they would get confused by it.  I guess we are just so
different. Some people seek because they feel so helpless, some people
seek because they want the best for humanity, while some others seek
because they feel empty. Maybe we feel a bit of all of those, but the
one that really plugs the string differ from person to person.

Man… I guess in a way when a book comes out of an author’s hand, it’s
out of the author’s control. Furthermore, it’s really the reader’s
responsibility to learn more about the author before trying to swallow
everything.

October 28, 2005

dreams

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:45 pm by changisme

The night before last, I dreamed in English. I felt a little troubled and told a friend, and the response was that I’m truely becoming billingual. I don’t really know if I"m losing my Chineseness. To be honest, I don’t really believe in the fact that you can just have one and add more canadianness on top popping onto a stack. I think if you don’t keep gaining one identity, it means you’re losing it. It’s not really because you forget, it’s more because an identity should be dynamic, as soon as it becomes static, it starts to die.
 
Anyway, probably because I had this nitch in my mind, last night, I dreamed of my Chinese friend who is (at least was) very interested in words and poetry. He told me in my dream that he’s studying words now. I don’t think I felt crisis-like, or upset. Instead, I didn’t really look inwards into myself at all. I think it’s such a good idea. If I can be someone like the "me" in my dream, that’d be so good… I guess I could work towards it eh?
 
=============
 
Exclamation for the day: Math should really in the faculty of Arts…

October 27, 2005

small workshop turn up

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:41 pm by changisme

My math 180 workshop had a really small turn up today. It’s mainly because they just had a midterm yesterday. The people who have showed up are mostly the keeners. Two of them are actually mature students. They actually see schooling more clearly. they said, well, we paid for it, why choose not to come?
 
Anywayz, that’s not the main point. My point is, I totally felt how good a small class is. I didn’t really feel that strongly as a student, because I try so much to use different methods so that I can fit different people’s thinking manner, with a small class, I can pretty much suit every different person.
 
One of the guys is a comp sci student, and he found it so interesting to do certain questions. Ironically, those questions are about finding patterns. And I remember when Jane and I were talking to Mr. Freeman, we were talking about how comp sci is almost the classic example of analytic thinking, but finding patterns is synthetic thinking. Iono.. haha, maybe comp sci involves not just coding.. which I thought I knew.

smart smart!!

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:48 pm by changisme

Our Abstract Algebra TA said that compared to the past honour’s students, our class is the most extraordinary. Waaah, I guess for ones, I feel proud that my classmates are so smart. hehe… regardless me in cluded or not. Our prof set up a competition today. It is to prove the following:
 
find all isomorphisms mapping intergers to a^intergers, in other words n->a^n and prove there’re no others. She spent quite a bit of time talking about how we could email her and drop off the anwers, and see who’s the fastest and will get a chocolate bar. less than twenty minutes later, two people already came up with the answers! They’ll split a bag of M&M… what can I say, wow, it’s just crazy isn’t it? The question itself is interesting though.

October 26, 2005

waahhh the best analogy.. made my day

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:48 pm by changisme

"The world is like a song sung by God and we are
the notes that also sing."  I can’t believe I heard this today… if it
were not 11:41 pm.. I really want to actually take out my flute and play… It’s
not just a feeling though, really I’m serious!! I want to co-creat a song, what
kinda song though… I usually do like harmonic songs, but who knows… what’s
going on in your life Karen?
 
========================
 
The Elephant Man was great at the Pacific Theatre.
It was not a particularly long play. In a way I felt it was a little rushed, but
overal it was very interesting. Many things they said elicited interesting
thoughts. I don’t know if it was written in the play originally, or they created
some of them. It’s more like a play about the doctor rather than John Marek, the
elephant man though. This made me think of the play Walsh, which is even more
"who-is-it-really-about" kinda thing.
 
I’m not good at critiqueing plays, because I
haven’t seen enough to do that, but I really liked the transition it made, but
didn’t really like the lights they did. I think it could be better, although I
don’t know how. The light made it a bit too … iono plotty… moving on and on?
Oh man… it was good though, after all these stress.

October 25, 2005

aye… the sky is grey… will the sun come out tomorrow?

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:18 pm by changisme

Sharon called me today, seeking some comforting words because her daughter didn’t do so well on the 2nd year organic chem midterm. I did phone her back, but my phone died half way. I think it’s better that it did, cuz I’m really not the best person to seek comfort today. I just got back my AA exam, and I totally didn’t get the "A" as in its name. I even forgot to do a 10 points question. I dont know what I was thinking, but anywayz, it was not so good. I’m kinda sad. Right afer, I went to my stats tutorial and ask for help about homework, which we can hardly do(even now that I’ve asked for help, I still don’t know how to do them). The TA was like, you don’t know how to do this????!!!!! John(the prof) is serious about his exams! You’ll totally fail if you don’t know how to do this kinda simple questions! Well… I don’t blame her for being harsh, for one, she’s from China, and also, Hohn Petcau is quite serious about his exams… and I’ve experienced that… aye…
 
Looking back to my organic chem… it was tough, but it’s over. And, I’m at school now staring over my stats homework, and worrying about my complex analysis  midterm tomorrow.

October 24, 2005

what a day

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:56 pm by changisme

It’s been a busy day, mainly because I just have so much work to do! I still haven’t touched my stats homework yet. It has become the ultimate "fun" of my every week.
 
One thing that contaminated my day from being a pure busy day was that I went downtown for the public works and government services interview, and the interviewer was not there. I wonder if I really want to work in somewhere with a stone faced secretary and supervisors who don’t even bother notify you while they can’t make an appointment. It’s not that she didn’t have time, the interview was in the afternoon at 3. I didn’t get quite upset because I didn’t need to skip class afterall, but that probably mean I’ll have to later on though.
 
Government behaviors.. sigh, it reminds me that the government lost mama’s citizenship file… I don’t know what to do yet, that she’s not here. Gosh.. living a life in this world is so complicated, it’s not just ideas and corresponding actions.

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