October 23, 2005


Posted in Uncategorized at 4:17 pm by changisme

A gift of passion is such a wonderful thing to have, although I find myself unable to handle it a lot of times. It is passion that drives the most, and it is passion that gives the critical drop of in the potions. If rationality is something that I need to learn now to gain each day, passion is something that I need to learn how to keep and handle each day. It’s like hot iron in my palms, it burns sometimes, more than often I’m in a hurry to put it somewhere and can only hope that the place I’m dropping it could use it, rather than being damaged.
I always hope that passion in me can transform to compassion somehow. I have to say it’s worked its way up, but still not there. It’s such a tricky thing. In many sense, compassion and passion doesn’t correlate at all. I don’t know if I just want compassion because it’s such a nice thing to have (like a doll with long dark hair and shy eyebrowse wearing sky blue dress), or I actually want compassion because I have passion.

October 22, 2005

Hey.. Karen, there’s not much in here to see!

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:38 pm by changisme

Once in awhile, I always need to remind myself, hey don’t try to understand everything about yourself so much. It seems like I always have this tendency of trying to catagorize myself and pin myself down so that I can have a grip on it. In a way, I find this act somewhat selfish, but it is a fun activity to do a lot of times. As t -> large though… it becomes annoying.
Maybe I’m in another one of those phases, probably because studyig on your own just make you very solitary and because you don’ thave much time to read and socialize, you don’t much else to think about other than just yourself?
See, I’m starting grabbing winds and air again. ~_~!
Now switch gears, think about others~~~~~~~~~~~!!! Why am I not thinking about other? (argg another self analysis   pffff)
ANYWAY! actually, not that I’m talking about it, I wonder what Mama’s doing? She likes the fall of Beijing, but she kinda missed half of it. It’s the best season of the city, and a lot of fresh foods. We were talking about potatoes today, and I remember she cooked potatos just thjis one way LOL, and we kept on eating it, and we would put a lot of likerish(sp?) in it. So nice…~~~!!!~~~…
Anything to look forward to tomorrow? I think I’m a bit afraid of tomorrow now, cuz what come are the due dates and exams… not tom per ce, but the tomorrows after. It’s hard to live without looking forward to something though… What am I looking forward to? I don’t want to think that I’m just looking forward to Christmas, cuz then… that’s just a break from my current state.. mmm that’s no good. Tomorrow… more people and more relationships?
He answered my prayers.

tonight I know..

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:05 am by changisme

I’m surrounded by people

October 21, 2005

waahhh nice midterm

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:57 pm by changisme

I remember in second year, I was thinking… man… how easy first year
courses are and how hard second year courses are. Now I just feel so
good that I actually have a couple 2nd year courses to sooth me…
Well… at least I know next year, I won’t fear things like stats 305

Actually this term I’ve been quite productive. I think I’m enjoying
math more than the early calculus days. It’s funny because I remember
last term, I only took 4 courses and 2 of which were even "workless"
courses, I felt more annoyed than this term. I don’t know if this is
called getting into the grove of things?

Am I just happy because I haven’t gotten a very bad (compared to
classmates) midterms? Actually… I don’t know how I’ll feel after
getting back my AA midterm. Anyway, my point is, I actually did really
bad on my assignments compared to exams. I don’t know if I’m just being
very chinese that I’m just good at exams, and not assignments. It’s
kinda scary because in the future for work, I only gonna have
assignments, and nobody’s gonna bother giving me exams. How the heck am
I going to deal with that? I don’t know why I’m better during the
exams, maybe just because I’m under a bit pressure and perform a little
better that way? Or maybe I just don’t treat assignments serious
enough? Or, it’s just I’m too distracted turing assignment? (yeah, I’d
be boiling chicken on the left and listening to the radio on the right.)

Conclusion: good good..

short lived mathematicians

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:34 pm by changisme

Note: YAY! said yesterday the sun would come out, and it did. haha, well, I mean everything will be okay as long as the sun rises and sets. I guess it’s a bit selfish for me to say that but I’m not particularly experiencing anything truamatic. Plus.. Mama reached Beijing safely and she’ll stay for a month or two. I don’t know why she doesn’t stay there for Chinese New Year. aye… I haven’t spent Chinese New Year in Beijing for almost 4 years! Can you believe it?
In both complex analysis and abstract algebra, my profs keep on mentioning these great mathematicians with short and tragic lives. Some of them probably had some fun flirting arround, but mostly paid for it as well. I wonder if it’s just people who do too much brain work tend not to live long. However, some crazy politicians who use their brains intensely lived pretty long though. Is it by birth? My mom would say it’s because if you were really normal, you wouldn’t be a genius, hence you live a normal life; if you are a genius, then you’re really smart, but you’re not normal -> this world is not designed for you -> you go through some tragic stuff -> you do some abnormal things -> you either destroy yourself or you get destroyed. Actually this is her mentality + my emprovisation. Well… I guess I sorta think this way too, iono. It makes me scared a bit, cuz some of the people I know are not all that normal, and they’re really smart, both in China and in here. Some of them can just conform to our normality as they grow(is that sad or not?) What about those who don’t conform? Do they have to be out casted some how? I mean you can just say, our world should be inclusive to all those who are in it, and be nice to everyone. It somehow doesn’t really work. People are different and they’re away from the mainstream level of acceptance. Even if other people try not to torture them, they torture themselves. I don’t really believe in the nonesense saying it’s their own choice, cuz… iono I feel like I’m just allowing myself not to care… but what otherwise?

October 20, 2005


Posted in Uncategorized at 1:56 pm by changisme

Woke up this morning by the news saying
1) There’s going to be another wave in the death toll in the asian earthquake;
2) Bus is suspended tomorrow, (80% sure?)
3) Knowing that I’m having a math midterm (in 10 min now actually), and found I have a homework question, which I used to understand, didn’t know how to do.
4) Oh.. don’t forget hurricane Wilma…
The list goes on and on. I don’t know what’s happening, it’s certainly not some pleasant situation…  I keep on thinking about if I were in the situations of some, what would I be doing? What would I be thinking? Would I be calm enough and faithful enough to pull through without swallowing tears?
Still jobless, the Public Works and Government Services job is another government job. Though I’ve not had the interview yet, I kinda know they’d prefer citizen again.  This seems so trivial doesn’t it??

October 19, 2005

Public Works and Government

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:05 pm by changisme

I just got a notice for an interview with Public Works and Government. It’s a job that’s totally unrelated to my field. The discription says something about engineering physics and comp sci. It hink I applied for it at the beginning. At that time I was still a big fan of applying, so I applied for so many. Now, I just browse though those job discriptions and not really applying for any.
Anywayz, this job is about some public security stuff discribed by a lot of weird abbreviations. I think I didn’t really check those things out when I applied. Now I really need to understnad if I were to go on an interview with them.
Along with me, there’s another guy called Darwin being invited. We are not going in at the same time, but I wonder if he’s comp sci/EPh. Man… Why do I few inderior now… probably I am haha.
Up to this point, I’m for any jobs that I can possibly lay my hands on. hmmm I wonder if I need to go to victoria for this if I get the job. That’s so boring! If I do that, I neither get the benefits of staying "home", nor do I get the benefits of travelling. ARG.. well, I almost hope I don’t get this.
But that’s okay, At least, I get to relax for a term, and then if I don’t get the job, at least I get to finish my schooling early. On that note, I’m happy both ways, YAY!
is there something wrong with me?

October 18, 2005

50% on assignment…

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:36 pm by changisme

I don’t know why I’m still happy, actually I got a little more excited after I got back my tearful algebra assignment.

It’s an assignment full of proofs, which I thought I knew how to do. I
got a little excited because apparently, we are starting to treat these
proofs more like literature. Simply mentioning some reason is not
enough (which was what I did), instead, I need to put the reason at the
right place and let the proof flow so that people can understand it

Man.. the world of mathematics, 😀

my poor stats midterm!!

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:00 am by changisme

:: man… our average was like 32%, AND the median was even smaller than the average! ::
I don’t even recall organic chem being this crazy… could be I took the easier version…
The prof’s reason was that he had to give enough room the for capable students to excel.. IS IT THAT BAD TO BE A COMMON ordinary PERSON?? DO YOU JUST HAVE TO STRESS THE PRESTEGOUS  DECIPLINE OF STATISTICS??
I wonder if these people have more fun looking down on other people than sorting out their own business… pfff Well… back to my own business, need to study hard for the 2nd midterm and final, both of which are not going to be easy according to him.
Oh he did say that he didn’t expect us to do so well, because we came from a wide range of backgrounds, but neither did he expect us to do this badly… well… did I expect this?

October 17, 2005

hearty soup…

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:59 pm by changisme

waaaah… thank you so much for your soup… feel so good now…

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