November 30, 2005

old feelings welling up

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:29 pm by changisme

I just got to know that one of my classmates here is from 北京四中 (the highest ranked senior high in Beijing). The thing about this school is that it’s THE number one, and there’s really no competition. There are a bunch of number 2’s and so on, but over all the years 四中 is always the legendary one.
I feel this old feelilng welling up in me. My school wasn’t bad, but there’s always this legendary feeling about people in the legendary school. Well, I guess they do have high IQ if they can be so outstanding amongst hundreds of thousands of students, but that doesn’t seem to be all.
On the other hand, when people sometimes hear which school I’m from, they’d go, wow, but actually I know, it’s not THAT good, plus, the students in there are not THAT smart, there’re smart ones, but a lot of them are just like me. 😦 As for 四中, I know the people there are very smart, but how "wow"y is it I don’t really know. It’s just one of those things :p

November 29, 2005

a glimps of snow in the rush

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:21 pm by changisme

I now have this bad feeling like I had last term… I don’t wanna study anymore!!! Even though this term has generally been busy, I didn’t really feel this way till now. I think I have come to a point where, I just don’t care anymore, what goodness of fit of models, as long as you get away from me, I’ll buy you lunch! Gosh, they’re contageous, get away!!
Anyway, today snowed! Very impressive. I’m always quite amazed by how millions of snowflakes can have such a uniform distribution over a relatively big region (from my point of view).. It’s like a big brush constantly brushing me. It’s quite wet though, I don’t like how snow melt, because it becomes black! Why nt some other colour? Like…. blue in the cartoons, or red like sugar on sliced tomato, or yellow like winter goes into spring.
Gosh.. homework… why do you have to exist? I think this is an evil concept!

November 28, 2005


Posted in Uncategorized at 6:38 pm by changisme

finallty pulled myself out of the lab. I finished most of it, the program works mostly. (It’s a program that does some memory allocation using circular doubly linked list), the only function that I can’t get it to work properly is "coallesce". I really need to start worrying about other stuff now, can’t lose the big over the small.. well in this case, can’t lose the many smalls, over this one small.
I think by today, I got a little addicted. Not programming for sure, but to this feeling of…. " I’ll just make it a liiiiiittle bit better." Each time I thought, I’ll just leave it as is, then there’s little more progress, then I thought, I’ll just make it a little bit better yet. And again… and again….. I think programming is poisonous to me, because it gets me addicted to something I HATE. LOL how does that work?
I met Karen Daniels, the pianist/flutist Mr. Bowen introduced me to. She had a baby!!!!! Oh man… Can you believe it?? Well, I guess you certainly can, but not me! There’s nothing really wrong with her having a baby, it’s just that at one moment you know her being this hippy hoppy young girl, and the next she’s a mother…. I don’t know what to think.
The wheel of my mouse is not working, it’s driving me crazy.

November 27, 2005

dancing dizzy

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:32 am by changisme

worksheets, coding, quizzes… the grand reality of student life. I dont’ know though… how come this term I’m taking this many courses taht have so  much work to do?
Mama brought so much stuff… I dont’ know what to do with my old ones..Actually she also brought me a couple some newly developped oranges in China. OMG! They taste sooo good. I think my taste buds are spoiled. At first I thought, okay I’ll eat one and save the other one for tomorrow, but I eneded up finishing both in one go. She said when she was in Beijing, the street side orange seller was promoting it. It’s really expensive, it’s about 5 rmb a (rouphly)pound, and she was curious, and asked for one pound. The guy weighed 2 pounds. She insisted that she just have 1, and asked him to put the rest back. Then she went home to eat, and felt it was so delicious, and went back to buy many times of 4 or 5 pounds each. LOL Even though mama tends to over eat things she likes, this orange is indeed very good.
I was programming with Richard and Sherry last night. I couldn’t have burned till that late, 3am if there were no one with me. Misery likes company. We just kept on debugging for each other, and well… at the end, I still couldn’t insert nodes right, and Sherry kept on getting segmentation faults…. For God’s sake, why is she majoring in computer if this beast doesn’t eve like her? Same for me, why am I torching myself??? >_<
mama went to a bday party last night. Dunno how it went. I only know she had chicken burgers.
My insertion is just working so weirdly, because I when I insert a node, the all the previous nodes become clones of the last one. Peer pressure or what?
Complext Analysis quiz on Monday…
Comp sci assignment(paper based) due on Monday
why am I not feeling sleepy? Why am I feeling normal either??
why are Laurent series…. uhh I forgot what I wanted to ask..

November 25, 2005

crazy time

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:43 pm by changisme

Man, I can’t believe I have a comp sci written assignment due on
Monday, and I haven’t even looked at it yet. The only thing I’m
occupied by is the programming ass. which is just out of the embryo.
Why was I relzxing last week?? Man… I think stress is created by

I was trying to call my "newly-arrived" mama today, and once and once
again Roger’s network gets my number wrong. For four times, I dailed
604-306…. and for four times, it beeped, beeped, and at the end a
cold mechanical voice says, "The number you have reached: 6 0 4  9
0 1…" geez, it was windy outside when I called. I wonder if waves get
blown away by wind as well. I was talking to Mr. Freeman about
particles, dunno if that would be some kinda phinominum. So much for
creditting Roger’s today at lunch when the signal could actually reach
the basement of the SUB. I was actually calling the same number!!

Anyway, I probably will be in this lab for awhile…


When was the last time I shared someone else’s burden?
It’s not that I hope someone arround me would be miserable, it’s just
that I hope I can become more mature in relationships, so that people
can actually trust me enough to share their miseries with me.

November 24, 2005


Posted in Uncategorized at 11:24 pm by changisme

天,你别哭。没什么好烦的,你就像个孩子一样性子急——想一出,是一出。其实,什么事能有那么容易?你也许长不大了,那也无所谓,就这样儿吧,耍耍性子,我也可以理解嘛,只是,你这么大…… 别人谁还吧你当孩子看?

November 23, 2005

paralized by homework

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:59 pm by changisme

I can give anything to get rid of this stuffy feeling my homework is giving me! I just realized yesterday that my comp sci final project is due in a week, and I hadn’t even started. Man… what am I thinking? Today, I stayed in the lab for two and a half hours, and hardly got anything done.
Mama’s coming on Friday, this time I know not to make her Chicken pot pie, that’s how you learn from life. In any sense, I’m a bit axious because I have so much work to do, but I don’t wanna spend my time doing homework while I can be hanging out with her…. see? homework is harmful!!!!
I love the fog we’ve been having these days, although it makes the weather damp and cold. I just love it so much, everything seems to be under water. Oh yeah, and I was playing with Paige yesterday, we played with her dolls and pretended they were merpeople. I wonder what it would be like to live underwater. Probably everything goes slower due to friction, and life is not so busy… everytime you run to hug someone, it would be like slow motion in the movies… ahhh so romantic!!

November 21, 2005


Posted in Uncategorized at 3:15 pm by changisme

It’s kinda bad I haven’t thought of some of my family friends in China for a long time. I just realized I still really really care what they think of me. How they’d talk about me when they chat as they do when we chat. They usually say, oh this young lad is really successful, earns 800k a year in the US, and that kid is kinda useless, just gets the shabby salery after his parent spent all those money sending him abroad. Oh man…. I shouldn’t care right? No I shouldn’t.
But I still do! I want my dad to be able to be proud when he’s in front of his friends. He always likes to boast about me when I’m not arround. It’s not a good thing I guess, but it’s one of his obsessions. or else, he’s not conscious about the boasting, because he just overrate me in his heart. LOL That’s probably okay, doesn’t hurt anybody.
the thing is, I care about something I shouldn’t care too much. Shooo go away! Shoo!!

November 20, 2005

gone with the wind

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:14 pm by changisme

Remember last year, 50% of my life was goalball, and 10% math, 40% crap. Second term last year, Calgary Regionals, Halifax Nationals, Montreal Defi Sportif… Twice a week… Now… not  even 10% goalball… plus I’m leaving… what’s to make of nationals next March?
Ou est ca fille?
I don’t know why one has to pick and choose in life…
Doug applied for the job at BCBSA, a job as a goalball coordinator or program person of some sort… God, let him get it! It’s so much of his passion… So is mine!!
Maybe I want so much. I just wanna consume and consume and consume.. a selfish person eh?
Actually, today was some really good games, because Bobby came and we had 6 people, so we could play 3-on-3’s. It’s been awhile for everybody to be able to play a full game. We played some eliminations at the beginning, I was soo bad…  got eliminated first or got someone else in trouble for almost every game except for the last one. I got really angry.. really angry. Still, I was so moved that they kept me in centre. Over and over again I failed… until later on, I started to get into the groove. It’s amazing how I feel the motivation going when some body has confidence in me, even though I’m the worst LOL! I love it though… I just love it.
At the end, the game was good, we lost, but it was very close. Shawn actually scored so many times on Doug! XD Unbelievable! Well… I don’t mean it’s unbelievable, but you know… I just mean Shawn is really good, and so is Doug. LOL
Gonna babysit Paige on Tuesday. Paige is so sweet, but I don’t think I’m very popular in her eyes. I think she’s smart and sensed that I’m the only other kid in the group. The other girl. It’s okay Paige… you’re so sweet and pretty, you’re the princess. To be honest, I don’t see many kids as smart arround.

November 19, 2005

I’m just plain happy I guess

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:21 pm by changisme

I think I’ve beena bit insane these days, but it’s plainly because I’m happy.
Harry Potter was good, not as inspiring as it was at the start, to me… I think it’s because I’m old LOL! There are fair number of :p in this movie. It’s funny, but I think in a way, I expected more trivial stuff, rather than just the Voltemort fighting and Harry this Harry that. I like the accessories better. Characters… I wanted Ron more… and Cho… Actually, I want the round headed Ron better. Once everyone grew up, their faces all became longer…
I think the reason I always feel taht I missed a bus, is that I always run for them.
"nugu jibin(g)"

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