March 31, 2006

wonderful night

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:53 pm by changisme

I had dinner with Steven today. We both had this really weird chicken with mashed potato. The whole dish is kinda complicated. there were nuts and some vegitables and the mashed potatos should have apple butter in it, which I didn’t quite taste. We talked just about everything although I don’t quite remember what exatly. I think one of the topic was when he volunteered on this organic farm, and I don’t know how that turned into a topic about horse back riding, and he said he did that when he was 10 or 11. LOL Man..I want to do it.
Then we visited Tao Tao, he’s so hyper.
On my way home, the weather was just too nice to be true. I felt like staying outside for the rest of the evening. The nice air just brush my arms and face once in a while, that I feel like I have flower peddles all around me.
I want tonight again…

March 30, 2006


Posted in Uncategorized at 9:00 pm by changisme

I had my 3rd and 4th drink today since I came to Ottawa. I think I like the alcohol I’ve had so far other than beer. i really don’t like beer and it gets to me too. Those other liquor, I actually can handle pretty well. but the thing is, I don’t really get much feeling out of it. I just like to try different kinds. Each time I pick something I’ve never tried before. People say they get some very trans-like feeling after they drink, but I don’t… probably I haven’t had enough. I think I like those fruity drinks more for the fruity taste.
I thought about Plotty today, and how she’s doing with her beer gardens LOL. What’s this with people getting into drinking when they are away from home??
The sad thing is that… i don’t really feel what "drunk" feels like, not that I want to. The good thing is that I feel that my blood flows about warmly in my body. Mmmmm. I love that feeling.
I hope I can have a good sleep tonight! Man… I miss chatting with my Vancouver friends though.

March 28, 2006

oath day: April 12th

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:54 pm by changisme

So there, I will be surrendering my permanent resident status and obtain my citizenship on April 12th. the oath sounds kinda…unfamiliar. I will be swearing by a holy book that I will pledge to the Queen. Well… I feel like I’m swearing on something so remostely related to me that I can’t possibly take it seriously. Oh well, nobody asked me to anyway.
I wonder if that’s an example of saying things you don’t really  mean 🙂

March 27, 2006

dying, death

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:09 pm by changisme

Capote was a good movie.
I say that not because I know much about the work of screen play or because it’s so much of a thriller, in fact it’s not. The movie just makes me feel that, really… there is no way I can know this guy Capote, as he realizes that he doens’t know himself.
True tragedy it is, the movie doesn’t really have that many sensational tearful moments. The "crying scenes" were not all that tragic, but the dying…
The dying of Capote echos the death of Perry Smith. The diference is that Perry died less tragically as he lived, while Capote probably … is the other way around.. or maybe not? While Capote is trying to explore the uniqueness of Perry, the screen play writer is trying to depict the dying of this man… this once famous man, the uniqueness of him not being just the stereotipical who accidentally wrote a good book and never had th inspiration again.
I wonder what it feels like to be dying… I know what it’s like to be ill, but not on the verge of death. I wonder if I would see the flash of light beyond or would I dwell in the past and pick up pages of old diary. But you know… just to find an excuse for myself, a lot of the future, since it’s so unknown, is dwelt in the past. As human as I am, i can’t freely jump into the future because if I do, there shouldn’t be the word future to start with…. if it should be so unbound.
As for Perry Smith, I wonder if he sees the future, and what about Capote? There is no garantee really that seeing a future would bandadge a wound. Those who see something beyond… did they transpose or reflect the past somehow just so that they can fly over the chasm without falling?
Is the reality really that harsh to face? The light is supposed to shine and brighten the darkness, not to cover it.
p.s . oh well, i don’t know what I’m thinking, maybe it has nothing to do with Capote, but that’s okay.

March 26, 2006

forgot to close the window last night!!

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:04 am by changisme

Yeah, thats what I did, and I felt realy cold in the morning. At night, I probably did too, but when I’m asleep, I can’t tell. I didn’t really think of the window being open, because my sleeping bag is kinda summerish, this whole winter, I always felt kinda cold, and I just put a jacket over it. The spring came last week, and I thought it was the winter coing again. In the morning, I got up and walked around and wondered how come he air is so fresh inside. Then I realized I didn’t close the window in the living room. LOL
I hope I didn’t waste too much energy for my landlord…. wooo it would be pretty bad.
* * *
The hostage from Iraq is back. I wonder what he’s feeling right now, the first real survivor. CBC interviewed the pastor of the parish he’s from, and the pastor said he never doubted the home coming of his spiritual brother. Aye… I wonder if a family member of mine is kidnapped like that, would I keep being that faithful? OH STOP KAREN!!
Anyway, I dont’t wanna think about it.
* * *
I got an email that made me smile.

March 24, 2006

I feel the air around me

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:27 pm by changisme

Maybe because I didn’t have breakfast at home this morning, or because the air is so mild today, I didn’t want to come home right after dinner with the other co-ops. We went to have desert or a drink. Breakfast is so important to me, that one place feels like home if and only if I have a hearty breakfast there everyday. And usually I eat the same boring things and at the same boring time. But I don’t know why it’s what roots me there.
Today was also a fair bit warmer. Jethro changed to his spring jacket. I actually feel that the air is caressing me rathe rthan confining me in my gortex.
I, for the first time, understand why people love spring. There’s no dust and wind and there’s enough of a difference from winter. I wonder what the stars are like just looking with your bare eyes. I think they must be like candles and the cups of air that mistify them.

March 23, 2006


Posted in Uncategorized at 5:27 pm by changisme

So there, the grass replenished the fields and roadsides. The colour display a hint of malnurishment. As weak as it is, the Ottawa grass is waking with a yawn.Over head, some birds migrating north, the quacking was unrefined and penetrating. They spread their songs without a touch of finishing. I thought about the evangelist who wants to spread the Gospel with me to some other students. He said so long as Pr(someone comes to know the Way | we spread the Gospels) > Pr (someone comes to know the way | we don’t spread the Gospel to them) he give them some books to read before the term ends.
I feel that our thoats are so dry. God is that line of birds wrapped in that big sheet of sky. God has such inexhausting voice, why should we feel dsperate? There is so much of God that is strong and attractive, wwhy do we need to crumble the poem into a wrickled ball?

March 22, 2006

okay, it was such a weird afternoon…

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:23 pm by changisme

Today started out weird by Peter and I coughing and rinsing our noses in front of each other when we were discussing our project. It made both of us laugh (and/or cough). It was quite a scene. Then in the afternoon, I went to ask Danny about a cake shop because we want to buy Agnes a bday cake, and I think I might have had a big grin on my face. Danny’s first question to me was… "Why are you do giddy?" "Did you just have a donut?"
Uhhhh… *I faint*
Anywayz, I came home early today just for my interviews on the phone. The first one with with Inpharmatica, this genomics company. The interviewer’s name was Eric, and he was very nice, but it was very weird, because he’s only been with the company for two months! What’s more, he’s a scientist, and doesn’t sound like a marketing person at all. But my potential assisgnment sounds very marketing like. Just imagine, the first thing he told me through the phone was that, he broke his thumb skiing in San Diego…
Uhhhhh…. *I double faint*
The second interview was unpleasantly weird. There were three people on the other end, but two didn’t say a thing. Only the technical person asked me questions. There were mostly math related. BUT THEY WOULDN’T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THE COMPANY OR WHAT I WOULD DO!! What d heck… They said it’s because of confidentiality. I got a little mad, and when they asked me about my work at Stats Can, I kicked them back with, oh sorry, it’s confidential! Well…i didn’t exactly say that, i just told them less than i could have, plus it is confidential in certain areas.
The second job sounds like I wouldn’t be able to go to SEW this summer, but it’s more what I want to do, even though… they didn’t even tell me what I would be doing. Oh man, I can’t believe it.

March 21, 2006

cultural conversion

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:01 am by changisme

I was talking to a friend yesterday and arguing about stereotypes. His conclusion was that I came to Canada too early and had been westernized. I was a little taken aback, and then I reailzed that I struggle with stereotypes myself only that I try to stop myself from thinking that way.
I said that we want to think in terms of stereotypes because we just want to make our own lives easier, and he said there’s notthing wrong with it… well…
I somehow kept on debating with him knowing there would be no avail… I was thinking about it again how I can be westernized just like this and think all these are right. I thought it’s just just part of growing up and maturity, but according to him and my mom, I’m being immature and inexperienced.
In my guts I feel taht my view is more mature but that’s just my bias isn’t it? It’s like religion really. Why should I worry about converting the chinese culture into something I get from North America. Each culture has its own course of evolution and whereever the mainstream philosophy wants to go, let it be. Each chinese thinks differently anyway, it jjust makes me want to talk to more and more of them. 🙂

March 20, 2006

the power of wish

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:19 pm by changisme

I wonder how much does wish count. We seem to be such weak creatures that our wishes can’t even account for our own actions a lot of times.
If poking my nose into what my intensions are behind my actions, I wonder what my wishes are. They don’t seem to do much, and if they don’t really matter, why do i wish so much? Just so that I can have another way to fantasize and suffer?
People always say, hope your wishes come true! Oh well… If they don’t come true, do they count as anything? Even if they do come true, by wishing them, am I making any difference? maybe mind power eh? and that’s it?
Okay, I’m not making any sense today, and I’ve decided to live outwards yesterday, why did i slip back into this pithole again?

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