June 14, 2006


Posted in Uncategorized at 7:46 am by changisme

I assume jealousy is a sin, maybe it’s a bad way to put it. You may call it, a shortcoming, an illness, a poorly handled human nature or a spiky reality. Whatever you call it, it’s something that one doesn’t want being there the form it is.
Those who like to psychoanalyze everyone and everything (like I do) would say, oh you’re just being insecure. It might be silly, but I just can’t help comparing myself and feeling the ground beneath my feet are sinking and sinking. In some other cases, I feel as my hand reaches out but seeing the light harsh and bleak separate me and those I love. As wonderful as they are, they need to keep me away somehow, for totally legitemate reasons. Why do I have to lose in order for others to gain? I guess that’s a selfish claim. I should  love others so much so that my own self becomes transparent, shouldn’t I? I don’t seem to be able to do that yet.
To transform my sinful desires. I keep on feeling that’s almost like giving myself excuses for wanting to do something. Maybe I just need to once and once again remind myself, take away my pride my Father, I am weak and poor, but hold me close, please. Make me a channel of your peace.

1 Comment »

  1. Bar said,

    I guess i can say you would not be the only person to have felt the need to compare yourself to other people (as I often do this of myself). I have also in the past felt the need to keep others out as a way to shelter others from all that I am. 
    God\’s love is not because of who we are. God\’s love is IN SPITE of us. Whether or not the reasons for them \’to keep away is legitimate\’ is not the point, and is also not really for us to decide.
    This is something I know I\’ve missed in the past, when I\’ve tried to separate myself from others because of how wonderful they were, and how far from it I was/am.

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