September 1, 2006

should I stop worrying?

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:29 am by changisme

It’s very annoying when I feel down. These couple days, i don’t even know why! I think in a way it’s because the summer is coming to an end. It’s not so much the no-school that I will really miss, well, maybe that too, it’s more the fact that the summer is so very beautiful, and I was outdoors so much.
I said goodbye to my supervisor, who actually can’t come to the office today, and soon I will farewell my other coworker. I don’t think this is making me especially sad… I know it’s a very cruel thing to say. I had a lot of fun here, and got to learn a lot of things, but I think I’m ready to move on. I guess it’s also the fact that I haven’t worked here for a ll that long, and I just started to get to know these people and now I’m leaving. I feel a little unattached. Also… our office is so small that, I really do look forward to getting out everyday. In any case, I’m sad not because of leaving work. (sorry sorry)
I guess I just wonder if I can still have time to leave the house and school, the houses and streets behind whenever I want. I remember in the bliss I felt doing that in the bone splitting winter in Ottawa. I remember walking in the woods where everything seemed so frozen and yet so alive, because I felt so free. Everyone thought I was crazy taking walks in the woods in winter evenings, but you know.. it was so very pleasant.
I remember going skiing and not worrying about homework and exams. For this, people think I’m crazy too, skiing in the icy slipery bunny hills in Gatineau, while I’m from Vancouver, but it was just so very pleasant to be carefree in the mountains and with all the snow.
Vancouver’s summer is doubtlessly the most beautiful. When i came back, i could take walks in the endowment lands and aroundmy, then, new neighbourhood. Whenever I’m a little down i could just pick a book and plung myself into some other world. I know that sounds bad because I’m escaping from solving the real problems, but it’s … just so nice to be able to do that.
I guess it’s not right to do that, because I can’t just control my emotions, or as I sad, escaping real problems by doing something that’s pleasant right? I don’t know why I shouldn’t, but it sounds like a bad thing to do. Maybe I am a worrier, so I can never feel like putting things down and just get away for awhile. I did that, but my body got away, not my mind.
Oh, back to what I was trying to say. What I meant was that by reading osmething rediculous is in a way controling my emotions right? I don’t want to face life staring me right in the eye, I just look at something else. Isn’t that horrid?! i think it’s quite beautiful, but irresponsible, but why would I want to torture myself by facing all the real problem anyway? There will always be problems. It’s like if Jesus comes, I would want to do something like use perfume to wash his feet than trying to worry about how many shekels I can get and how many hungry people I can feed, but isn’t it bad to just not worry? Isn’t it? Isn’t it? Why though…


  1. Yuan said,

    hi, guy, I felt down too, for no reason, or for some reasons I am too lazy to ponder on..

  2. Jane said,

    lol, I\’m with you on the plunge into a book to escape problems thing…I don\’t think it\’s all that bad cuz sometimes things are not a problem, it\’s just a mood and other times thinking isn\’t gonna solve it

  3. Karen said,

    I guess that\’s true eh? To escape is a harsher word than pulling away from it a bit.

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