September 26, 2006

from a distance…

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:06 pm by changisme

Before dawn this morning, I skyped with my dad. I don’t know why seeing him shone by the sun ticked my heart. I was just reminded that we are in such different places. If I were to get into an instant transporting machine, would I really get transported, every atom of me?
 
I feel I would have to somehow split the space and crack the axises. I feel that I would end up in the middle of the space, but not really be within it. It’s as if there is suddenly two layers of curtain in the middle of the stage, and I just happen to fall between the two. I would be on the stage, but not really, the play would keep going on its course and I’d be fighting through the fabric.
 
I guess it wouldn’t be exactly new, because our family never was part of anything. It’s not until I talk to many people these days, like my roommie and others from Beijing, that I realized, we were sort of by ourselves to start with. We never had guests, and we weren’t very sociable, we didn’t vote and we never had more than 6 people during Chinese New Year.
 
Nonetheless, I guess we were still part of the society. I didn’t quite understood what fitting in mean until I recently actually do fit in a lot of times. I think it’s alright though. That’s probably the good thing about living in a big city. It doesn’t make you feel that strange to be different. I actually don’t know why it doesn’t. Maybe it’s just that ther eare so many things one need to ignore and is capable of ignoring, ignoring some more is not that notable.
 
It’s nice to talk to Yan, because everything feels so familiar and yet so strange. Many many things she talks about like going to the Chinese New Year Fair, or relationships between students and teachers were all things hovering around my ears for years and years, but strangely, I was never part of. She talked about getting tons of boxes of moon cakes from the many many friends her parents have sounded all so familiar, because it’s stereotipically what every family seem to experience during this season, but strangely, we never seemed to have moon cake problems (it’s not that we eat them up so fast!). It’s funny when she says how when she left all her aunts and uncles took turn eating out with her family and asked her when to go back. It’s such a typical thing, but strangely, we left, and I went to my grandma and grandpa’s for a week and a half and spent some nice quiet time with them and never did we mention coming back or careers…
 
It’s strange.
 
I might sound jealous, but I’m not really. I liked the quiet little family we had, and the simply social network which we never needed to bother with gift-come and gift-go’s. It seems so different now, but I never realized when I was in it.
 
I really wonder, what would I realize when I’m at a distance looking at the life I have now in UBC and Vancouver. Life is such an interesting thing.
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