October 24, 2006

step away

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:26 am by changisme

When I was in despair, someone suggested me reading Sickness Onto Death. I think on the one hand, I was amazed how somebody can create such a grand scheme of some rather widely accepted points(maybe just nowadays, not Kierkegaards’ days) he was making. It’s also very possible, but I’m just very dull that I didn’t really get all the intricacies of the psychostructure. On the other hand, it does make me feel, oh, I can pull away from this pretty easily. Maybe it puts me in perspective? It just makes me think, well.. you know, he makes everything sound like despair in a gradient, or catagories, and you can stress over possibilities and necessities; you can be too big to not despair, and you can be too small to not despair. He almost make s me feel like despair over despair is the best you can get. I don’t know though, seeing all that, just make me feel silly ever despairing at all.
It’s like working on math or stats, when I’m stressing over something, and someone else come along and starting stress out big time, and then I’d be like… oh was I stressing over here just like that over something that can be solved by just stepping back being in a position like I am now? It’s like a child crying, and then someone else come along hawling right beside him, he’d probably stop crying right away.
Probably I just still haven’t had enough bitterness in my life that nothing so crazy would apply to me. I’m not asking for it, just to clarify, but things are good now. I’m walking. Maybe on a rather shaky road, or sometimes it actually feel like walking on top of a train, I’m still walking. The best part is, there are people walking beside me. Maybe someday I fall off the train, then there’d be a road beside the track.

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