November 19, 2006

do I like uncertainties?

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:08 am by changisme

Screw those proverbs and advice of the old and wise! Each time one makes a choice and there are tons of arguments for anyone of the choices, and really how correct those proverbs are, it’s all depends on what you want. The proverbs tell you to do this and do that, the thing it doesn’t say is "hey becareful, the reason I tell you do this is that my eyes is fixed on x". I think it’s almost false advertising. All those things are of no use if you don’t know what you want in the first place. All life is going to do is make you change paths and regret what you did.
 
* * *
 
I’m really bad at playing pool mostly because I just hardly ever play, but I’m also very bad at foozball, and I don’t think the reason is I hardly ever play.
 
Yesterday at UC, the kids room was decarpetted, so they put the kids in the big game room, and naively think that the bible study could happen amongst all the distraction. Amazingly, it did, except the other person who was supposed to be doing it wasn’t there. I dragged Yang down to assist. There we hurried through stuff and everyone started playing, including me and Yang.
 
It sounds like a lot of fun right? I guess it was. Just tell myself that it was….  Just tell myself that it was, then it will be… and it does kinda work like that, but I feel really sad that itdoes work like that. I want a time when I feel content without telling myself that I do.
 
* * *
 
Friends of Ron and Tara’s are here living with us for several days. Their baby cried foever and ever and always. It made it impossible for me to sleep. It’s amazing though I hadn’t got quite impatient and annoyed, it just made me fantasize about having kids. I think I must have a very very strong motherhood hormone of some kind. I was thinking, hmm I feel this kid is not exactly hungry, nor was s/he having a wet diaper, these little people just like to cry a bit sometimes… That cry indeed sounded like a rather content crying. It didn’t sound desparate.
 
Yan came in and we chattered, and she said, "I thought all caucasian kids are really pretty like Quinn and Zander, now that I looked at the other two kids, they are not good looking at all." I giggled and echoed, yeah yeah, Ron and Tara make beautiful babies. I feel so self-conscious when people comment on appearance.
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