December 17, 2006

smell of the pine needles

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:24 pm by changisme

I came home today and the living room is filled with the smell of pine. There stands the Christmas tree eager and full, waiting for a wand of angel dust, then it will be full of sparklies and jinglies. The cold and crisp air, the warm jacket and Christmas carols in the radio, everything is so much insynch with others. I wonder if I’m an observer or a character in the story this year. I think i want to try to step in, but there’s also part of me just want to pull back a little.
I see all these families get together and each of them have their problems and have their joy. I really wander if I want my life to be as complicated as theirs. And yet, it seems like I can’t help but envy them for their fullness. Okay… maybe they’re not toltally complete in one or another, but somehow I feel their are fuller. It makes me think maybe that the rainbow that can really hold up the sky is the one with the fuller spectrum.
when i stare out of the window, I see the sky becomes darker and bluer. There are clouds, and they fold the light into their fluffs. I think, I see so little of the sky, just this little piece, even throughout the years I’m alive, I always jsut see this little bit of sky and I probably not even seen the entire sky added up together. (That would be an interesting problem to think about, have I seen the sky in its fulness yet?) Anyway, it’s like othe people and cultures, it’s so much fun being able to connect things together and see a bigger picture of things. Maybe that’s why we are so addicted to infomation, because then you can see a biigger piece of the pie. I wonder if God can see the world in its entirety, that makes seeing it, knowing it ever so fun. On the other hand, people say that if you know something too well, there’s no mystery anymore, and it’s not fun anymore. Do you think that’s really the case? Is it possible to know something entirely and still find it fun? Is that where love somes in? I guess I would never know anything so entirely to know that, but that does feel like a mystery to me… I mean why God would still be so active and interested in us if he knows every bits and pieces of us.
Oh, and what’s more, I’ll finish my exam tomorrow!!! Can you believe it? Then the world will change its colour, hehe. Actually I think I’ve started to relax already, at least mentally.
a little note, I went to visit some family friends and I thought I should do it just out of obligation, because I didn’ tknow most of the people there. In fact I didn’t, and it was such a weird environment, because everyone was so busy I felt, they were talking but mor elike they were talking to themselves than talking to the person they are "talking’ with. Some people actually kinda ignored me because I think they just didn’t quite know me. Either I’m just not very fun to talk to, or they are too shy. It was really weird. Or… I just have very bad social skills.

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