February 9, 2007

addiction

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:50 pm by changisme

I wonder what information does to me. It’s somewhat an addiction of mine and I believe it’s overrated in this society too.

when still remember when i read the novel about downtown eastside, and somehow it made it allt he more personal to me. When I tried to do something I realize how weak in spirit I am. It’s not even the fact that I can do very little, (about which I believe a drop of water is a drop of water) it’s more just that I break away so easily. That’s why I love how Curtis gets involved with "The Colourful Houses" ( I love calling them that!) That really reminds me how long since I last saw Landy and them and how I actually miss them though I had tons to complain about.

On the other hand, when I break away from the reality of the world, it’s so much easier just fill my mind with information. I can feel each time when I get an opportunity to simply "know things". I’ve become a little cautious against that. It’s just for me personally. Somehow it’s a way for me to really escape the "doing".

Sometimes, I can’t even distinguish porn from keep reading on things about others suffering while my difference I make almost make me dissociate the two. When I feed on the "knowledge" if you could call it that, I might on one hand become dissensitized even. Slowly it’s almost become acceptable to have these two separate worlds.

There’s the marginal return right? I mean I still remember the first book I read a long time about that shed light on poverty that I had never ever thought of or experieced. That impact is irreplacible.

At the same time, one should wonder the use of information, is it really just to shake you up and try to make you a better person? It’s like the function of the clock. In the morning while I was fast asleep, it’s the clock’s job to wake me. During the day however, its function should change. It’s a tool of information. It allows me to make better choices really. What happens though if I hear the alarm and got awakened, but walked around the house and have some morning exercise and then roll over feel asleep again? Should the clock just remins its roll and keeps ringing? Each time I would awaken and each time I would become more and more immune. My love to the world would separate from my very body and channel into some placid pages in a notebook. I would keep sleeping while knowing the time is ticking away.

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