October 16, 2007

swimming behind the butterfly

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:16 pm by changisme

This is not supposed to be that romantic, it’s just that I swam behind someone who was swimming butterfly. It was really nice though. The water gurggled in a different way and waves were rolling against my forehead like in the ocean. (hmm it’s actually pretty romantic eh?) Then I thought I’m actually very susceptible to human contact and influence. This British writer called Lessing said that from a very early age, she determined to not let her parents telltales influence her version of memories. I think that is such an exceptional form of resisting against influence. I know people say it’s virtually impossible to live in a bubble, but there are degrees.

Being someone who have been so willing to receive influence from others, what then makes me struggle so much with the so called "differences" and "diversity" in a population in which I take part? Isn’t that odd? If I can blend in so easily, how could it be difficult? I can hardly find the answer, one could be that I just notice the not so different differences way too much. There are definitely moments of clarity that tells me I’m not really different.

Another possibility or factor is that I was raised and am brewing in such a diverse society. I am pulled in many directions. There are so many things I value, and it’s hard to choose what to be and what to not be. The so called "good" is very dynamic. Choosing to be a good person is not enough. It is not to say that all these wonderful "versions" of life are completely good or beyond the simple principle of goodness. They each have shadows under any sort of relative or absolute brilliance. Nevertheless, they are lives I could be drawn to for one reason or another.

The problem is, there are so many!

I wonder, being someone who claims to be a fast decision maker, do I fail in this very central theme of life-choosing to be or not to be.

We were discussing this book about pluralism. The author (so far) gives me a feeling of wanting to rebuke pluralism but in all he says I see how he actually see it as something positive. It’s a really hard line to draw right? Pluralism vs. diversity? In my book, not accepting pluralism is basically willing to engage and challenge what is untrue rather than just leave at arm’s length. I think it takes incredible amount of skill and just the right situation to do though. I mean my idea of "respect" is probably different from other people’s. When in a discussion, if I believe very strongly that what I think true is true, and if I do have more convincing evidence on my fingertip, then I do come across as wanting to convince the other person. How can you avoid that? Me trying to speak for the other person just to balance the scale? That’s a monologue, even worse… So then that’s not a good discussion and not very respectful.  Basically, it can hardly work in a larger setting than… a well-arranged discussion group. That’s very sad indeed.

Does it then mean that pluralism is just not accept in the heart? I think that’s exactly what pluralism is not. Holding everything in the heart and not share it, thinking the other people would just hold theirs.

If you can’t hold it out, nor hold it in, neither exocardiac nor endocardiac.. ewww that sounds gross! What do you do? Maybe you could be worse, giving up consistency! Some people think that is called being flexible. I seem to do that for practicality though I have to say, it doesn’t work all that well, because it makes me incredibly dizzy trying to decipher all the time. Also you get accused of being a situationalist if not a pluralist also. Am I a pluralist? Or maybe just someone who’s insecure?

Oh and by the way, swimming does make my mind wander and that butterfly girl swam really fast, so I couldn’t keep up with the pleasure.

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