January 27, 2008

the second day… that was

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:37 am by changisme

I haven’t been so bruised for a long long time. I don’t even think last year Nationals gave me as many man scars (or woman scars). I think it’s probably because I need new gear.
We played four games yesterday, which was exhausting, and we didn’t make the semi-finals. The laughter and tightness of other teams circulated in the air and at times suffocates me at the point of our lost. I have to say, it wasn’t an abnormally bad outcome. Realistically we are just not as good as many other teams, and the Swedish Team which was supposed to be unknown is actually the National team pretty much. I’m glad i played them though. I think they are so tight. That’s really teh difference between our team and the Swedes and the Ontarians (okay there are more differences than that, but …) They are so much more of a team and they are more friends with each other than we are. For one, Angell is so young. We are good friends, but… 16-year-olds have different friendships from us afterall. They have a different life. Shawn’s in her thirties. She’s great though, and can be silly a lot of the times, and so social with us, but still, she has her own life which is SIGNIFICANTLY apart from mine and Angell’s. Then there’s me, a little older than Angell and much younger than Shawn, having my own crazy unsettleness. I talk about so many things with these people but we only hang out during goalball. The Ontarians for example, they are friends all the time, andhang out all the time. A few of them even went to the same school. I think the cioach also puts deliberate effort in team building.
Before the second last game with Ontario where a few players are on the National team, and since Shawn is also on the development team, they were teasing and joking and playing with Shawn the whole time when we were warming up. I have to say… I should have been more mentally capable of handling pressure such as this, but I just felt that… hey Shawn is my teammate… not yours now.. she is during nationals… but not now! Aye… it’s all my own silliness. It’s just because I feel that we never have that moment of cohesiveness, plus they treat Angell like a kid so much.. and in a way, she does have her own little things that makes other people think that, but yo uknow.. that just throws us off.
Another thing quite funny. Yesterday when we lost, the girls were sulking, and Angell’s mom was trying to tell us that it’s all for fun, shouldn’t be so serious. That got a bunch of criticism from the guys who were also comiserating with us. LOL They were telling her, we are here because we want to win, if we don’t even feel upset when we lost, then there’s something wrong. I think she was a bit taken aback, because she still thinks of it as a kids’ extracurriculum, whereas many people here are quite serious about it. That a bit what I feel too… I find it a little hard to put the whole thing on top of my priority list. I care.. but I’m just not competitive enought… Maybe I’m changing too… becuase I was more upset this time than my first nationals, in which we lost even more splendidly.

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