May 15, 2008

senseless ramble… (it does make sense to me of course)

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:32 pm by changisme

It is so hard. It’s so hard to keep my mind straight in this mess of difficulties, as if trees and flowers are all distorting in clenched fists.
Over and over again, I need to remind myself of my family, the scene, the long lasting scene of my grandmother, my aunts and my mother and cousin in one room. It is this that never changes. It is this that I need to put in front of everything. Summer makes the Christmas dinner so easily forgotten, I try so hard to hold on the fading vision. I can only try to remind myself that strong emotions at a time like this is not to compromise the ever lasting. The flow of blood creates something different, beyond my passion, beyond my rationalities. It is the only wild horse I can let lose, it is the lead that gears my life. Probably I should let God does this, but thusfar, the two have yet to contradict. One day, if I do have to choose, it will be a painful one, the most painful in my life. It will be between what I believe is right, and what I BELIEVE is right, which one is which… I do not know.
But today, I am holding on, to the origin and river of the blood of my family, what they desire, and what bring them together. Soemday, maybe my blood will flow into another, only then shall my prospect diverge.

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