July 25, 2008

vulnerable to the vulnerable

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:51 pm by changisme

Last night before I fell asleep, I heard baba in the next room yellin gin his dream. It sounded like he was scared from a nightmare. My eyes snapped wide open looking intot he dark unknown in the room. It wasn’t that I was sharing a nightmare with him or trying to imagine what he was seeing in this stuffy summer nght. Rather, I realized that it was the first time I ever imagined baba could have nightmares too. Probably I should have realized that long ago, during the years of awakenings of my youth, and yet, his absence, or more my absence fed to a melancholy reminescence. Maybe both of us held on to some sort of unchangable bond, and since I more or less agreed wordlessly that our bond would not change, nothing really made me realize it could be fragile in other universes.
Baba could also be vulnerable. He never was the kind that was so strong and heroic, but t a daughter’s eyes, he’s nevertheless the protector agains shards of inpaling forces around this world. It’s usually this sort of emotional homebase that really gave me brave and independent hearts to spur me onto the unknowns. I am usually the vulnerable when around the strong and strong around the weak. I pick my roles foil what is around me. Around bab, is one of the few opportunties that I can feel complete yong and small.
And yet, now, in the dark night, where my suit case sprawled out like entangled octopi, I prayed that I could still emain soft and raw with the man who is also raw. Maybe it will come a day, when I need to end this little daughter repetoire, but let that be ever so far in the future.

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