February 18, 2010

The Mountain Witch

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:08 am by changisme

Ben L GMed an RPG for a large group of us for the past three weeks. It was about a bunch of Samari and a mountain witch on Mt. Fuji. We had some interesting characters, Ben B and Hans popped out some elegant speech once in awhile, and Ogre with his drunken nobility did those things made you shake your head, Jon was so funny that he was obsessively in love with his dead son’s ashes and Lesley on the other hand was the prettiest and was also wading in the deepest pool of gore. Both Lukas and I were creepy animal whisperers, him with crows and I with spiders.

What I find really interesting was that at the beginning each person has their intention on what the character was to be like, but over the course of the game, each person just developed into someone else, mostly by the force of other people and events. Ben B with his tummy full of romance didn’t quite get forced though, he was the one sustained the most injury and died earliest. Having said that, after he died his ghost did help me who was a secret helper of the mountain witch, god knows what good explanation could be inserted here! He did confront his dark side at the end.

It was also comical how neither of the two revenges from Ogre and Hans were realized. At the end they sat at the courtyard laughing in defeat, "so how’s that, I didn’t get my revenge. " "Me either, let’s drink." "Oh, I ran out of sake." =_= guhhh… duh, Hans, that’s what you get for using your alcohol to help Jon burning my precious spiders.

At the end, the mountain witch reincarnated, and I was raising it with the grandma spider. The interesting thing is, the ashes that’s used for the baby was the ashes of Jon’s precious son’s, maybe the Jon who was eaten alive by spiders in the very cave his "new son" was raised in would actually feel happy. Afterall, if you are to put parenthood on the baby, Jon would be even more qualified than the mountain witch himself. Oh I forgot, Jon reached Nirvana, I wonder if filial attachment is one of the things you would lose with all the other earthly desires. That would suck wouldn’t it. 

Now back to reading DPOAE for NIHL papers….

February 16, 2010

can’t stop the fear

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:56 pm by changisme

How do people set their axes in life? What makes some occasions more joyeous than others? Once and once again, I find myself confused about what I should or should not do, it is when I don’t know whether my pursuit is making me happy. Life doesn’t teach me to take it easy. It shivers into an epileptic spasm of colours and urges me to run after it.

Is it really worth pondering on the principle of whether to enjoy here and now, or to envision what is to come entertaining all possibilities, fear the fears and hope the hopes? I find we grow up with a certain axiom of what happiness means, either by birth or by growing up. Our mind somehow is set in its ways, what is the train track we should travel on.

It’s so hard to stop myself from fearing the unknown sometimes. Almost everything I can control I have made sure to be under control and predictable, but there are so many others out of my grasp.