February 10, 2012

Fear grows in retrospect

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:04 pm by changisme

Recently a friend asked me to go skiing. What’s interesting, and sad, was that I had a surge of fear rising within me as soon as I realized I could easily go skiing again at will. I never actually had any bad accidents downhill skiing before, and never even went on really dangerous slopes, only the small close calls everyone gets once in awhile. It’s probably just that it’s been so long since I last skied downhill, three years maybe? So I guess the fear has little to do with my dull skiing history, more to do with my pitiful psychology and the long gap in time.

When I most loved it, I went on Wednesday nights for the cheap lift tickets, and had no fear of the speed. Honest to god, I probably could barely see what’s on the slope. Even though the lights were bright, I’m not one with the best eyesight, especially with ski goggles on. A year later, I would realize that it was dangerous, I came so close to crash into something and breaking my arms, legs or even neck. Two years later, I would need even more courage to go just once or twice for a small vacation trip. As time passes by, I don’t even want to go anymore. Probably once I’m on the slope, I will get over it again, but the feeling I get just sitting here and thinking is quite paralyzing.

Sometimes, what it takes is just not to think at all. Then again… what if I really break my leg, it’s gonna be sooo painful… eeek, DON’T THINK KAREN, don’t think…

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